Things to Know About Your Partner: A Checklist

By the TopTierFind Editorial Team · Facts checked 2026-10-17

The things worth knowing about a partner are the ones that show whether the relationship is healthy: how you communicate, whether you respect and trust each other, whether you are honest, how decisions are made, and how you each treat boundaries. These are the traits The National Domestic Violence Hotline lists for healthy relationships. Use the checklist below as a set of conversation starters, not a test your partner has to pass.

Quick reference: what to look for

The healthy and warning-sign descriptions in the table come from The Hotline’s healthy relationships page, which also lists consent and supportive parenting as traits of a healthy relationship.

1. How you talk to each other

love is respect describes healthy communication as no one being afraid to bring up certain topics or issues. Partners talk openly about their feelings and thoughts, positive or negative, listen to each other and work to understand each other’s viewpoints.

A useful thing to know about a partner, then, is whether you can raise a difficult topic with them and be heard.

2. How you handle disagreements

love is respect gives five tips for resolving arguments in a healthy way. The page does not put them in any order:

• Establish boundaries. Everyone deserves to be treated with respect, even during an argument. If a partner insults or belittles you, the page says to ask them to stop and, if they won’t, to leave the argument.
• Find the real issue. Feelings such as insecurity can show up as fights about unrelated things.
• Agree to disagree. If you can’t settle an issue, it is often better to let it go.
• Compromise when possible. Take turns deciding things, or find a middle ground both partners can accept.
• Consider it all. Consider your partner’s view and why they are upset, and give each other room to express your feelings.

3. Boundaries

love is respect says boundaries help you define what you are comfortable with and how you would like to be treated by others. They can be emotional, physical or digital. Its examples include being fine with social media follows but not sharing passwords, wanting regular texting but not constant messages, and needing time with friends or family or daily quiet time alone.

The same page says healthy boundaries protect and respect you, while an unhealthy boundary seeks to control or harm someone else. It adds that boundaries are worth talking about regularly, not just once, and that anyone has the right to change their mind about their boundaries. Changes should be made because you want to, not because of pressure, force or manipulation.

A simple checklist to use together

Each item is drawn from the official pages above. Go at a pace that feels comfortable for both of you.

• Can each of you raise problems and feel listened to? (The Hotline)
• Do you respect each other’s opinions, feelings and needs, even when they differ? (love is respect)
• Do you believe each other without needing proof? (The Hotline)
• Do you have an equal say in major decisions? (love is respect)
• Do you respect each other’s need for time and space, whether apart, alone or with others? (love is respect)
• Have you talked about what each of you is and is not comfortable with, including physical, sexual and reproductive choices, and does everyone willingly consent? (love is respect)
• When you argue, do you both treat each other with respect? (love is respect)
• Is money discussed openly, rather than one partner being assumed to control it? (The Hotline)

Signs to take seriously

The Hotline says you may be in an unhealthy relationship if a partner is dishonest, takes control, or is isolating, meaning they limit your contact with other people. It also lists pressure or guilt used to push sexual activity or reproductive decisions, and one partner being assumed to control the finances.

love is respect says that if you feel you can’t discuss boundaries because you fear anger or violence, that is a warning sign of an unhealthy or abusive relationship. It also notes that a partner demanding you stop talking to other people is a sign of control or trust issues, not a healthy boundary.

Its green flags page adds that if healthy behaviors only appear occasionally, it is important to talk about it, and that those conversations can show whether partners are willing to grow and learn from past experiences.

When to get help

• Immediate danger: The Hotline advises contacting 911 if you are in immediate danger.
• The National Domestic Violence Hotline: call 800.799.SAFE (7233) or text START to 88788 (message and data rates may apply). Live chat is available at thehotline.org.
• National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline: 866.331.9474, listed on the same page.

This guide is general information and does not replace advice from a qualified professional. If a relationship is causing you ongoing distress, consider speaking with a licensed counselor or another qualified professional.

Sources

• Healthy Relationships – The National Domestic Violence Hotline
• Green flags in relationships – love is respect
• Conflict resolution – love is respect
• What are my boundaries? – love is respect